St. Augustine on the spirit of gentleness

Tomorrow (well, today in less than eight hours, actually) I'll lead the second session in my study of the Flesh and the Spirit in the writings of St. Paul.

In the first session, I tried to ask and answer questions about life in the Spirit: what is it, why do we want or need it, who is the Spirit, and how do we get him?

The second session will focus on the fruits of the spirit. Again, I'll approach the subject by asking and answering questions (or at least attempting to). What are the fruits of the spirit, both generally and specifically? Why do I need to know them? How do I bear them? How do I help my brothers and sisters in Christ bear them? How do they relate to the gifts of the Spirit?

I had originally planned to talk about the gifts of the Spirit next, but something I read by St. Augustine changed my mind:

"There is no surer test of the spiritual person than his treatment of another's sin. Note how he takes care to deliver the sinner rather than triumph over him, to help him rather than punish him and, so far as lies in his capacity, to support him." Epistle to the Galatians, 56.

As we discussed briefly last week, Christians today too often view their faith as an individual experience. Godly admonition is viewed as judgemental and unwarranted. But St. Paul clearly contradicts this notion, both in Galatians 6 and elsewhere. It is critical that we keep an eye to the fruits of both our Spirit-filled life and our brother's, so we can "restore him in a spirit of gentleness."

To bear the Spirit's fruit, we'll need the Spirit's gifts, both ours and our brother's. But that's for session three.

Why I'll never teach/lead a Bible class/study again

This morning I taught/lead the third session of my Bible class/study on the Flesh and the Spirit in the writings of St. Paul. Only, it wasn't really the third session because I showed up way late for the first two. And, it isn't really a class 'cause teaching (in the traditional sense) just isn't my thing. Also, I didn't really lead the study, 'cause I'm not exactly a Pauline or New Testament scholar (in fact, I'm on the other end of that pole).

So it ended up being 45 minutes of me rambling and flitting around Scripture (to the extent my limited understanding allowed) and trying to coax people to join the discussion. Given all that, I thought it could have gone much worse, even if it wasn't that great. (Deedee mentioned that I spoke too fast and fell into my Southern manner of speech; I tend to do that when discussing a subject I'm passionate about).

Last night, around 2AM, as I was thinking about what I would actually talk about during the study, I decided that I'd never do this sort of thing again. In truth, I probably wouldn't have done it in the first place had Fr. Daniel not asked me to (I believe that when the Church calls, you answer, and so I agreed to lead the study). But, what's started is started, and so I'll run with this study until it finds it natural end (probably in November since I'm two weeks behind). But this will be my last Bible study/class.

That might sound odd coming from someone who until very recently aspired to be a deacon and who has committed himself to bringing others to faith in our Lord. Let me try to explain.

The problem is that I hate lectures. They aren't dynamic or interactive enough for me. I prefer an inquiry-driven or dialectical approach to learning. I don't want to just deposit knowledge into the learner. I want the learner to withdraw (or, even better, develop) the knowledge based on their exploration of and inquiry about the subject at hand. I don't really believe that we can teach one another; rather, I think at best we can facilitate a person teaching themself. I know this is somewhat controversial, and very few people I've explained this to agree with me.

This leads to another problem. That sort of facilitation requires a deep and thorough understanding of the subject at hand. And I just don't have that depth of knowledge of Holy Writ. I'm working hard to change that and I have a plan (as I'll explain in my next 'blog entry). But, today, right now, I'm just not qualified to edify, at least in a way I'm comfortable with.

So, what do I do?

As my knowledge of the Bible increases, and as I become more qualified to help others learn, I hope to host what I'd call "informal inquiries". The idea is to be available before and after the parish's services to answer whatever questions folks might have. Where Holy Scripture is concerned, one question, even if seemingly simple, can develop into a lifetime of study. If you truly explore just one question, I promise you'll never run out of subsequent questions.

But, you have to start with that first question. And that question needs to be something you care about, that you are passionate about, that you are prepared to invest time and energy in exploring and answering. I can't just give you a question like that; I don't think anyone can. But I'm going to work very hard so that I can help you explore and answer it.

I'm no longer working to be a deacon

Several weeks ago, I wrote that I'd been doubting my calling to Holy Orders. I also said that I would make a decision whether or not to continue my postulancy by the Autumn Ember Saturday. A few people have asked me what I decided, so here it is.

It so happened that our parish's spiritual retreat was on that Ember Saturday. This allowed me to spend most of the day in prayer and meditation about my calling. In the past, when I needed the Lord's guidance, I've always found it in prayer. But at the day's end, I still had no idea what I should do.

The next day, I decided the best course of action was to continue my postulancy and let things happen as they would (as my Baptist friend might say, "give it to the Lord"). The problem was, to do that, I'd have to ignore the growing conviction that I wasn't called, that I wasn't ready, and that most of the mission work I wanted to do didn't require ordination. I started to realize that I wasn't being honest with myself, and therefore I wasn't being honest with the Lord either. I'd let my fear of disappointing so many of the people in my life interfere with my judgement and doing what I knew to be right.

That realization finally took hold last week. Last Saturday I composed a letter to the Bishop informing him that I wanted to end my postulancy. But I didn't send the letter. I've been sitting on it for a week (a policy I've tried to adopt after sending a few embarrassing letters in the heat of the moment). But, I'm still convinced I should end my postulancy, so I sent the letter off today. I'm effectively no longer seeking ordination and no longer a postulant for Holy Orders.

This doesn't mean I won't continue to serve the Lord and His Church. I actually have the clearest goals and plan for that I've ever had. More on that tomorrow.

Thanks to all who've kept me in their prayers.

Eat your view

I was listening to an NPR show on "green food" a few months ago and the narrator mentioned a slogan he heard during his travels: "eat your view". The idea is to eat locally grown produce, locally raised livestock, and other locally processed or produced foods (such as milk, cheeses, and bread). Although the movement to eat local is trendy right now, Deedee and I have tried to eat more local food for the past five years (we started this when we lived in Tallahassee, FL). It's been great, and I pray more people try it.

I mention this because lately I've been wanting to "take this up a notch," as an annoying celebrity chef might say. So, starting tomorrow and continuing through to our Thanksgiving meal, I'm only going to eat local foods. And I mean only local foods. If the food wasn't grown or raised here, or made from local ingredients, I won't eat it.

This will be a bit tough, because we are at the end of the harvest and many staple fruit and vegetables are now out of season (and, we haven't been very good about canning this year). Also, I don't know of any locally grown and milled grain, which puts bread right out. Aside from that, I can quite happily eat my view, and I'm really looking forward to it.

While I wouldn't expect anyone else to completely remove non-local food from their diet, if you're reading this I hope you will at least consider using local food for your Thanksgiving meal (or, if you don't observe the U.S. Thanksgiving, your next big Holiday feast or other celebratory meal). If you need ideas or help building a menu from local food, please let me know (either by leaving a comment or using the "Contact Me" link). I'd love to help.

In any case, I hope you'll keep "eat your view" in mind as you shop and eat in the future.